A letter to Maya
I've debated posting this for a while. I think that I need a swift kick though, and in some ways putting it out there for all to see is a weird way of making me accountable.
Dearest Maya-Bean,
I love you more than I could ever imagine loving anyone. I have not been fair to you though. You see, I have had a terrible habit of smoking cigarettes since I was 13 years old. I quit in anticipation of you for a good two years. Then I mistakenly thought that I could just have one or two socially with friends. This was not the case, and I starting smoking all the time again. Then I found out I was pregnant with you. I quit again immediately, and thought you were a bit of a wake-up call on that. You came into the world on 8/11/06 and my life changed forever. I again thought that I could socially smoke after you were born, and am in the process of making the same exact mistake. I'm sorry to have let you down so soon. Please know that I want nothing more than to be the best mommy to you that I can. I will make mistakes, and I'm sorry for that.
I want you to know that I don't want to take that path again. I have quit in the past for less important reasons and been successful, so I have no doubt that I can. I have decided to make every effort to stop this in its tracks. I may slip again, but please know that I don't want to. I know you can smell it and it smells yucky to you. I know you can taste it in my milk. It's not fair and it has to stop. You are my world, and I would die for you. Therefore I should also live for you.
~Love, Mommy
Dearest Maya-Bean,
I love you more than I could ever imagine loving anyone. I have not been fair to you though. You see, I have had a terrible habit of smoking cigarettes since I was 13 years old. I quit in anticipation of you for a good two years. Then I mistakenly thought that I could just have one or two socially with friends. This was not the case, and I starting smoking all the time again. Then I found out I was pregnant with you. I quit again immediately, and thought you were a bit of a wake-up call on that. You came into the world on 8/11/06 and my life changed forever. I again thought that I could socially smoke after you were born, and am in the process of making the same exact mistake. I'm sorry to have let you down so soon. Please know that I want nothing more than to be the best mommy to you that I can. I will make mistakes, and I'm sorry for that.
I want you to know that I don't want to take that path again. I have quit in the past for less important reasons and been successful, so I have no doubt that I can. I have decided to make every effort to stop this in its tracks. I may slip again, but please know that I don't want to. I know you can smell it and it smells yucky to you. I know you can taste it in my milk. It's not fair and it has to stop. You are my world, and I would die for you. Therefore I should also live for you.
~Love, Mommy
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